Finding Ourselves
by Dimples
Summary: Phoebe's PoV, back in season three, not long after she finds out that Cole is a demon, and she is still is love with him. This is her thoughts about bring with him, and being able to show him what true love really is. Sixth in my songfic series, to


Finding Ourselves

Songfic to "Unstoppable" by The Calling

_Come and lay right on my bed, we'll sit and drink some wine_

_I'll try not to make you cry_

_And if you'd get inside my head, then you'd understand_

_Then you'd understand me_

            I remember when I found out. I remember when the two of us were so different, that even we had doubts about what were doing. I remember going to you in the middle of the night, when I fought with my sisters. You were there, waiting for me, to kill me. But you didn't. Why didn't you just kill me when you had the chance? Then maybe the two of wouldn't be so mixed up about where we are, and who we are. Maybe then I could be with you without wondering whether my sisters approve or not, without wondering whether you're going to turn on me at any second. It's hurts to think those things about you, but it hurts more not to think them.

_Why I felt so alone, why I kept myself from love_

_And you became my favorite drug_

_So let me take you right now, I'll swallow you down_

_I need you inside_

            I hid myself away from the world before I met you. I kept myself from getting hurt by men by avoiding them all together. I've never had a real relationship, and now that I do, it's turned upside-down by your past, and our future. It's almost like fate is telling me to lay off, to just become a lesbian. Or worse, a nun. Then the only affection I could ever get was from a nonexistent parent figure who shakes his finger at me from a million years ago, saying, "Do it and I'll fucking spank you." It's just too difficult to think of myself with anyone but you, yet every time we're alone it's as though a thousand eyes are watching me, Peeping Toms of my imagination. You'd never understand. You've never been in love before. Do you even know what love is? It isn't something a demon can just pick up, like a person could catch a cold. It's deeper than that.

_If we had this night together_

_If we had a moment to ourselves_

_If we had this night together_

_Then we'd be unstoppable_

            I keep thinking about what my sister think of you, and how they loathe the idea of me "shacking up" with a demon. But do you know what? I don't care. I love you, and you're trying hard to love me. Isn't that what matters most? Well, maybe you actually loving me would be better than just trying to, but it may be too much to ask of you. After all, you're a demon, and I'm a witch. But if we could just have one perfect night, a night that would make all the others that were filled with pain and suffering seem obsolete, then maybe we could find our way in the mortal realm. Maybe we could find our way through love.

_Do you think that is right, or is it really wrong?_

_I know that this is what we've been wanting_

_And all this burning in my soul, it fills up to my throat_

_It fills up 'til my heart is breaking_

            They don't think that it's right, the two of us together. Who wouldn't? I mean, look at us. You tried to kill me and my sisters, while I tried to vanquish you. We're two peas in a very restricting pod, you and I. All I know is that I want to be with you, to spend my time in your arms, your warm breath caressing my neck. I want to feel what it's like to have your heart wrapped up in mine, so close that I don't know where you end and I begin. That's what love is, right? I want to be loved, by you and only you. Why won't you let me in? God, I wish you could hear me now, I wish you could know that I love you, and that I know you can fight this curse that haunts you, chases you through time. I wish that I could help you, but you're the one who has to make the choice. So what'll it be? True love, or pure evil?

_If we had this night together_

_If we had a moment to ourselves_

_If we had this night together_

_Then we'd be unstoppable_

_            It's redundant to say that you've been hurt. I get that, but each moment that you're away hurts me. I'm giving my whole heart to you, and you're snapping it in two by leaving me each morning before the sun rises. When I turn over, the morning dawn glaring in my eyes, there's no one I'd rather share my dreams with than you, yet I wake to find you gone. If I had one night with you, and a morning where I'd find you next to me, then I'd know what love is. Love is pancakes on a Sunday morning. Love is staying home from work, just to spend the day lying in bed talking. Love is you. You are the definition to me, you're sparkling blue eyes, you're broad chest, and the crackling wit that gives me shivers. You're my one and only love, forever.  
  
_

_Now, we can both learn_

_Somehow, you'll see it's all we have_

_Love, it keeps us together_

_And I need love_

            I could give myself to you, sacrifice myself for you, kill for you. Anything you desire, I'd get it for you, if you'd just say you loved me. And _mean it. I need you to say it, before I bury myself in a hole that's deeper than hell. I don't know what I'll say when you do, most likely 'I love you, too', but when you say it, how will I know that you mean it? For months, you kept your dark secret from me, hidden by the shadows of your eyes. Those eyes that hide everything about you. Your past, your present, and even your future. I can't stand not knowing, when I have the power to tell you what's going to happen. But all I need is one night, just you and I, and if we had that, then maybe we could find each other. Maybe we could find ourselves._

_When I wake up without you, knowing you're not there_

_And only feeling half as good_

_Well, I'm gonna find a way _

_To wrap you in my arms, you make me feel alive_

_If we had this night together_

_If we had a moment to ourselves_

_If we had this night together_

_Then we'd be unstoppable_


End file.
